Mumbaikar ki Punekar

This is from a former Mumbaikar, who moved to Pune for a relatively stress-free life, like many other Mumbaikars. While there are many advantages of living in Pune — green spaces, fresher air, lesser traffic and cheaper housing — enterprise is certainly not one of them.

So this former Mumbaikar visited an upmarket watch store in Pune to change the battery on her Omega watch. The store insisted that she leaves behind the watch there for 24 hours. "This is an Omega. We need to open it carefully, clean it and then replace the battery, it will take a day." So, she decided against it.

Later, on a trip to Mumbai, she went to the Heera Panna shopping centre at Haji Ali to replace the battery. A store in the shopping complex replaced the battery in three-and-a-half minutes flat and to top that, within that time, they also took out three trays of designer watches and attempted to sell her another watch.

Talk about enterprise and talk about Mumbai, they are certainly synonymous.

In the Line of F******IRE.

“Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.” -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

In 2001 General went to Washington and signed up as voluntary Soldier in the war on Terror. Five years later General went to Cuba and signed up for a book writers club (Chavez is also publishing his book) and Devil bashing brigade.

Part of the General's book describes his version of few of the important events in Indo-Pak relations, the most appalling version is about Kargil heights. Instead of accepting the fact that their adventure in heights of Kargil were strategic and tactical mistake and learning to be humble and wiser with experience, which gave his country a bloody nose and earned nothing but shame, such a shame that they disowned their valorous Sons, who gave their life for his fancy, a shame that they didn’t even gave their soldiers their due or a honorable burial. He chooses to stand up in middle of important summit to pump his chest for all the imaginary triumph and point to others for the misery of his nation and choices made by his Nation, a Nation which otherwise that nation has great potential.

While it gave extremist among us one more reason to believe that the foundation of the land across the border is based on Stacks of lies.

If Humility is a small portion of General, then Optimism is other big portion. I think the General should be given another medal to pin on his chest, just for showing optimism.

I also have a growing belief that each time the good sensible people on this part of border were standing up with Olive branch, the General’s time-bomb choose to defuse. The General claims that he learnt the power of truth during one of his school boy misadventures, but I don’t think he took his lesson seriously.

I also don’t think he is fan of Spiderman, otherwise he would have understood … “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” and he is no more a student of Forman Christian College, but a General and President of a Nation.

While you chew on “Facts” in General’s current book, I am awaiting for his sequel titled “Confessions of Bounty Hunter” – Published by Pentagon press.

Langage de gestion

I assume since most of you have access to computer and Internet, you are familiar with Biz-Lingo we hear at work everyday. Here are few you might hear in such Gup-cup-shup

- Ahead of the curve
- Blame game
- Blended Rate
- Buy-in
- Burn-out
- Componentized
- Cover all the bases
- Customer-facing
- Deal-breaker
- Helicopter view
- Knowledge economy
- Nuclear option
- Pig in the python
- Plugged in
- Productise
- Pushback
- Upskill
- Value proposition
- Vulture fund

Please enlighten me with new additions to my limited vocabulary.

Here is Scott Adam’s take on Lingo-specialist:

Al-Gebra

Another copy paste stuff, but this is on a lighter note, with no disrespect intended towards victims of terror or those who have given their lives in the fight against terror...

A public school teacher was arrested today at the John F Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value," he said. "They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country," he added.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President George Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

My Angel

It seems just yesterday that my wife’s friend had showered her with Baby wishes.

My wife and myself barely had time or luxury to savor the joy of being first time parents, it is not that we don’t recollect those moments or we didn’t enjoy arrival of our son, just that we were consumed by daily struggle of life.

Good fortunes followed our Son’s footsteps to our home and we were able to give him quality time, love and caring. However, somewhere deep within us we both had a yearning to fill in the void and to relive the missed opportunity. Than God was kind enough and blessed us the joy of being expecting parenthood once again and we including our son cherished every moment of journey that lead to arrival of our little Angel.

I wish her a very happy birthday and express my gratitude to the almighty and friends who watched and wished for us.

Travel… Stress Free

Mumbaikars or Non-Mumbaikars, everyone must have enjoyed their share of roller coaster rides on the surface streets of our Maha-Bharat bhumi, after the blessing from Rain-God.

So some innovative among us has come-up with alternative means of transportation.
Entrepreneurs among us have found business on stagnant road traffic.

While the administration have come-up with alternative means so that none of us dare to file a PIL.

So friends next time you travel... Travel Stree free... otherwise get ready to be prosecuted.

(BTW the pictures copied here are actual pictures and not morphed, courtsey ... Mid-Day... Mumbai on Move)

Destructive Mind of a Demented Politician.

It is said that it was one Singh’s ill advise which made Mr. Gandhi open the door to Babri Majid so that Congress could lure the agitated Hindus after Shah-Banu case. After the debacle that followed, I had hoped that Congress had learned the hard facts of Indian politics, but guess not.

Congress remains the same, faces have changed, a decade and half later one Singh gets replaced by another.

The New Singh had to prove his worth in dynamics of great Indian Power trick, as the rumor mill started making noise that he was to loose his chair of Union Ministry and was to be packed off to a sabbatical as Governor of some state. Restless Singh had to come-up with a way to save his a*** and to prove his mantle to Goddess of Congress. And the imaginative mind of Mr. Singh came with two very innovative strategies.

First he got into center of attention using the reservation issue and divided India once again on caste lines. The poor students of medicine are still searching for cure. Then on second front he sang Vande Mattaram and ripped India once again on communal line. A song, which flamed patriotism in me, suddenly started sounding dissonant.

Kudus Mr. Singh, you have proved your worth, now Ms. Gandhi can you please kick this guy’s hind and show him road to salvation.

If Pink Floyd were an Indi-Rock group, they could have rehashed their song “Another Brick in Wall” to something like…

We don’t need no politician
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm from the podium.
Creatures live us Indians alone.
Hey! Leachers live us Indians alone!
All in all it’s just another stone on the glass.

All in all you are just another creep on the block.

Baited

I took the Beta-Blogger-Bait and now I am stuck. I cannot post comments on fellow bloggers site that have not moved to Beta-Blogger and not enabled other/anon commenting.

Now I know how that fish felt, after I boxed in ice-chest.

Main Hoon DON(e)

The cash registers are going ka-ching at Bollywood box-office. I don’t remember any other year when Bollywood had spun so many blockbusters. Each month has been in anticipation of a new movie for every segment of bollywood lovers; Hritik fans, Aamir fans, SRK fans, Salman fans, Abhishek fans, fans of melodrama, fans of sugar-pops, fans of comedy, fans of serious subject and fans of Karan Johar’s kind of movie… it’s a feast and everyone is invited.

For me personally I had so far enjoyed three movies this year Ranga De Basanti, Corporate and Omkara and now looking forward to watch Farhan Akhtar’s DON.

I had enjoyed everything about the original DON, especially Amitabh screen presence. He blazes in his blazers and does what he does best. His talent justifies why classes and masses worship him. So now when Akhtar Jr. has given his flavor to one of Akhtar Sr.’s masterpiece, I am very curious and impatient to see the result.

I am not a SRK fan, yet I agree with Farhan’s choice of SRK. SRK, if he can control his hamming has necessary ingredients to fit in original AB’s shoe, however I am little skeptical about rest of the cast; especially Arjun Rampal as JJ, but with two fantastic movies on his resume, I expect Farhan to deliver another hit. I am eagerly waiting for DON’s release here in Arizona.

Meanwhile I am going to watch Don once again and enjoy Amitabh render the famous lines:
“DON(e) Ka Intezaar to Gyaarah Mulko Ki Police Kar Rahi Hai, lekin ek baat samajh lo. DON(e) Ko Pakadna Muskil hi Nahin, NAMUMKIN Hai.”

Death of a Gladiator

Yesterday a Gladiator died entertaining us. He could wrestle the beast with his arms, he could hang his neck in the jaws of death and dared tricks which we mortals think are possible only by superheroes. We cheered him on his every conquest.

But than the beast did what he does best, actions that can be never be predicted. A venomous sting pierced through the heart of brave, a surreal frame that was supposed to entertain us suddenly became terrifying. The Gladiator fell in the abyss, the emperor shrugged, the audience aghast and than there was announcement for new Gladiator entering arena.

Steve Irwin... World's original Wildlife Warrior, died from a sting of unassuming sea creature.

Blurp

Few days’ back I had posted a borrowed text, with a title Generation Gap (I am copying the text here again):

Religious-minded woman mourning the ways of the younger generation: "It's because of the cars! Look how far they can go for a dance or a date nowadays. It wasn't that way in your day, was it, grandma?" Eighty-seven-year-old lady: "Well, we certainly went as far as we could."

I like the subtlety of message and couldn’t stop thinking how different people would have reacted if they were part of this conversation. I tried to step in to mould of few and came up with following:

An orthodox person: It is a profanity against the will of God; Car’s use is not permitted according our holy books, cars are corrupting the minds of young generation, we condem the cars and we declare ban on usage of car.

A liberal person: Lets file a public litigation case against the old lady for discrimination against young generation, the rights of every citizen is protected under our constitution.

A bureaucrat: Lets maintain a log to keep track of whom the young girl meets and how far she travels. Lets put time restriction at places where the young people visit. Also, lets invite tenders to create signboards displaying time restriction and printing of register to maintain log.

A capitalist: Lets sell fancy car and fancier add-ons to younger generation and a spying device to older generation and then anti-spy device to younger generation and much more covert spying device to old generation.

A militant: Lets send a suicide bomber at the place where young people hang out. Our fight is for enforcing Gods will, liberty, freedom and self-rule.

A consultant: Lets draw a flowchart to change the thought process (whatever it has to do with this). Also, I propose that we should conduct an off-site workshop at a Resort in Hawaii and come up with innovative solution.

A Student: Lets go on strike and show the strength of youth. The youth being future of this nation, the administration cannot curtail youth’s liberty.

A politician in power: This is a political-conspiracy by opposition party to provoke masses against government and administration.

A politician in opposition: This proves that the ruling party has no control over the law and order situation, we demand resignation of Prime minister.

A gay activist: The lady in story is a homosexual. Her sexual orientaion is displayed through the jealousy she emotes, when she discovers that the young girl is dating someone else.

An Indian zealot: Well this is story about Pakistan, look how narrow-minded outlook they have. The civil liberty curtailed and see how the liberty of young generation is suppressed.

A Pakistani zealot: This is story about India; we are for enlightened modernization, however we won’t talk about it till the Kashmir issue is settled first.

An American zealot: The liberty of that nation is in grave danger, we should send in our army, to weed out oppressive regime and establish democracy.

A News Channel: Breaking Story! Youth’s Action Condemned by Elder.