A New Season.

2006 had been a good year until last week and just when the end of the year is around corner, life gave me a reality check.

There are people in our life who leave on us lasting impressions and build the foundation and strength of our character. These are people to whom you look with awe and within whom you find source of inspiration. You always want them around you and they keep us rooted to ground.

Then a day arrives when they leave us alone to walk our own line. They definitely must have seen strength with us and have set expectation for us that we would carry those thoughts ahead and we hope we can.

The old season is gone, the new season has dawned. I am not sure, if I should be expressing the grief over a season that has gone, a season which have reaped a rich harvest or celebrate the new season and new beginning.

My uncle left us on our path on 21st of December. He was one of the few people around whom I grew up, one of the few people in my life who taught me a lot. I may not have agreed to some of his thoughts, but I cannot deny his contribution to my life.

I am back!

It has been a month since I have landed in my dear country. It has not changed much, probably just the crowd has increased, more cement structures around, the contents in air and on TV channels are dense.

But I should admit there is no place like home and the One month sabatical from this blog must be a good indicator that I am loving it here.

My son is delighted to have me back .... or is it his PS2. My daughter she can't have enough of me. My wife.... she is happy that I am around so that she can nag me :)

I shall be writting more, but how frequently is a guess work now, but dear friends the important thing is... I am Back among my people.

Spreading Warmth in the lights of Deepavali.

Festivities of Diwali has a special significance in life of us Indians (the original Indians, not the mistaken). These are the days when the warmth and color in Indian hearts spreads across the landscape and the joy it brings along is dotted with tasteful cuisine and sound of fire-crackers.

So on the auspicious season of colours, sweets and lights…

…Best Wishes and Greetings from me and my family to you and your family.

Let the Lights of Diwali enlighten you, the Sweetness of Diwali bring joy to your life and those Colors of Diwali bring prosperity in your life.

PS: Now if you are one of those chair person, confined within your 6x6 cube for entire work day, please go easy on those sweets and for the hyperactive folks among you, please remember to play it safe (with firecrackers).

Understanding Marketing.

I had lost in touch with my blog and writting skills, so after some pondering, I thought I should return to my humor stream. This one is a rated A... so folks who might take it as offence for content, you can pass this blog.

There are times here or India that you are just pushed to buy products, sometimes it is fun if the products are gadget, but sometimes the sales folk just seems like PITA.

But yet we all do have friends who work in the dreaded profession. So how exactly would you distinguish which stream of Marketing your friend is, so here is a sample scenario which might help you determine, what exact stream of marketing your friend is from.

So you enter a party and your friend approaches this fabulos girl at party and tell her ... "I'm fantastic in Bed" ....and you should deduce that your friend is from Direct Marketing team.

Now if you are party and your friends asks you to go and speak with girl and request to point him and tell her that ... he is Fantastic in bed .... thats advertising industry man.

If your friend manages to get the girls number and next day happen to call her next day and say ... "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." .... now this fellow is from Telemarketing person.

Now if your friend meets this fabulous girl, he sobers up to her, displays his finest chivalry and etiquets.. and while at parting after partying says ... "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." .... Then this man has to be a Public Relations Person.

Finally if at this party all the girls walk to him and mutter within themselves ... "I hear he is fantastic in bed." ... then my friend he has Brand Recognition and must be A Brand Manager.

Eccentric Confessions.

On the days when your mind has a Blogger’s block and when your brain doesn’t seems to find anything to write about, getting tagged is kind of helpful.

Arch had me tagged asking me to write six weird stuff that I do. Now asking a weirdo about crazy things he does, is a simple question, but for weirdo to come-up with his best six crazy things is tough.

But this is an attempt.

#6. Procrastination @ work: I will probably explain this some other time.

#5. Playing video games: I just don’t want to grow out of comic books and video games..

#4. Looking at weighing scale: Every morning I stand on scale and wonder, when it would read below 170 lbs.

#3. Watching Antique Road show: I get solid kicks watching old junk from someone’s closet on PBS.

#2. Trying to get rid of my nose hair: I hate the growth of foliage right in my nostrils, so every morning I spend almost five minutes clearing them.

#1. Start and End my work in my Pajama: The first thing I do after I get up every morning is switch on my laptop and check my office mail and daily schedule and last thing I do before I sleep is check my office mail. Not that I am workaholic, but I have strange urge every day, even on holidays.

There are probably many other hidden talents in me, but I have to discover myself completely.

Business Travel

Now if I tell you that I had an opportunity of a business trip with a charming lady and get to spend few days in a room with another four beautiful ladies, you might doubt my character and some of you might even call me lucky. Believe me even though the ladies made plans to sabotage my reputation, I stayed true.

Organizations around world are pushing for diversity and women empowerment. In that room I felt the idea had gone a little too far, but I wasn’t complaining, why should I? However, I should admit that I was amazed at the intelligence and sense of humor possessed by these ladies, in whose company I had been in past few days.

While I am relishing on my last trip, ladies have already planned my next trip. The challenge is to explain these trips to my wife.

Mumbaikar ki Punekar

This is from a former Mumbaikar, who moved to Pune for a relatively stress-free life, like many other Mumbaikars. While there are many advantages of living in Pune — green spaces, fresher air, lesser traffic and cheaper housing — enterprise is certainly not one of them.

So this former Mumbaikar visited an upmarket watch store in Pune to change the battery on her Omega watch. The store insisted that she leaves behind the watch there for 24 hours. "This is an Omega. We need to open it carefully, clean it and then replace the battery, it will take a day." So, she decided against it.

Later, on a trip to Mumbai, she went to the Heera Panna shopping centre at Haji Ali to replace the battery. A store in the shopping complex replaced the battery in three-and-a-half minutes flat and to top that, within that time, they also took out three trays of designer watches and attempted to sell her another watch.

Talk about enterprise and talk about Mumbai, they are certainly synonymous.

In the Line of F******IRE.

“Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers and the sacrifices of his friends.” -- Dwight D. Eisenhower

In 2001 General went to Washington and signed up as voluntary Soldier in the war on Terror. Five years later General went to Cuba and signed up for a book writers club (Chavez is also publishing his book) and Devil bashing brigade.

Part of the General's book describes his version of few of the important events in Indo-Pak relations, the most appalling version is about Kargil heights. Instead of accepting the fact that their adventure in heights of Kargil were strategic and tactical mistake and learning to be humble and wiser with experience, which gave his country a bloody nose and earned nothing but shame, such a shame that they disowned their valorous Sons, who gave their life for his fancy, a shame that they didn’t even gave their soldiers their due or a honorable burial. He chooses to stand up in middle of important summit to pump his chest for all the imaginary triumph and point to others for the misery of his nation and choices made by his Nation, a Nation which otherwise that nation has great potential.

While it gave extremist among us one more reason to believe that the foundation of the land across the border is based on Stacks of lies.

If Humility is a small portion of General, then Optimism is other big portion. I think the General should be given another medal to pin on his chest, just for showing optimism.

I also have a growing belief that each time the good sensible people on this part of border were standing up with Olive branch, the General’s time-bomb choose to defuse. The General claims that he learnt the power of truth during one of his school boy misadventures, but I don’t think he took his lesson seriously.

I also don’t think he is fan of Spiderman, otherwise he would have understood … “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” and he is no more a student of Forman Christian College, but a General and President of a Nation.

While you chew on “Facts” in General’s current book, I am awaiting for his sequel titled “Confessions of Bounty Hunter” – Published by Pentagon press.

Langage de gestion

I assume since most of you have access to computer and Internet, you are familiar with Biz-Lingo we hear at work everyday. Here are few you might hear in such Gup-cup-shup

- Ahead of the curve
- Blame game
- Blended Rate
- Buy-in
- Burn-out
- Componentized
- Cover all the bases
- Customer-facing
- Deal-breaker
- Helicopter view
- Knowledge economy
- Nuclear option
- Pig in the python
- Plugged in
- Productise
- Pushback
- Upskill
- Value proposition
- Vulture fund

Please enlighten me with new additions to my limited vocabulary.

Here is Scott Adam’s take on Lingo-specialist:

Al-Gebra

Another copy paste stuff, but this is on a lighter note, with no disrespect intended towards victims of terror or those who have given their lives in the fight against terror...

A public school teacher was arrested today at the John F Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Ashcroft said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value," he said. "They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country," he added.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President George Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

My Angel

It seems just yesterday that my wife’s friend had showered her with Baby wishes.

My wife and myself barely had time or luxury to savor the joy of being first time parents, it is not that we don’t recollect those moments or we didn’t enjoy arrival of our son, just that we were consumed by daily struggle of life.

Good fortunes followed our Son’s footsteps to our home and we were able to give him quality time, love and caring. However, somewhere deep within us we both had a yearning to fill in the void and to relive the missed opportunity. Than God was kind enough and blessed us the joy of being expecting parenthood once again and we including our son cherished every moment of journey that lead to arrival of our little Angel.

I wish her a very happy birthday and express my gratitude to the almighty and friends who watched and wished for us.

Travel… Stress Free

Mumbaikars or Non-Mumbaikars, everyone must have enjoyed their share of roller coaster rides on the surface streets of our Maha-Bharat bhumi, after the blessing from Rain-God.

So some innovative among us has come-up with alternative means of transportation.
Entrepreneurs among us have found business on stagnant road traffic.

While the administration have come-up with alternative means so that none of us dare to file a PIL.

So friends next time you travel... Travel Stree free... otherwise get ready to be prosecuted.

(BTW the pictures copied here are actual pictures and not morphed, courtsey ... Mid-Day... Mumbai on Move)

Destructive Mind of a Demented Politician.

It is said that it was one Singh’s ill advise which made Mr. Gandhi open the door to Babri Majid so that Congress could lure the agitated Hindus after Shah-Banu case. After the debacle that followed, I had hoped that Congress had learned the hard facts of Indian politics, but guess not.

Congress remains the same, faces have changed, a decade and half later one Singh gets replaced by another.

The New Singh had to prove his worth in dynamics of great Indian Power trick, as the rumor mill started making noise that he was to loose his chair of Union Ministry and was to be packed off to a sabbatical as Governor of some state. Restless Singh had to come-up with a way to save his a*** and to prove his mantle to Goddess of Congress. And the imaginative mind of Mr. Singh came with two very innovative strategies.

First he got into center of attention using the reservation issue and divided India once again on caste lines. The poor students of medicine are still searching for cure. Then on second front he sang Vande Mattaram and ripped India once again on communal line. A song, which flamed patriotism in me, suddenly started sounding dissonant.

Kudus Mr. Singh, you have proved your worth, now Ms. Gandhi can you please kick this guy’s hind and show him road to salvation.

If Pink Floyd were an Indi-Rock group, they could have rehashed their song “Another Brick in Wall” to something like…

We don’t need no politician
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm from the podium.
Creatures live us Indians alone.
Hey! Leachers live us Indians alone!
All in all it’s just another stone on the glass.

All in all you are just another creep on the block.

Baited

I took the Beta-Blogger-Bait and now I am stuck. I cannot post comments on fellow bloggers site that have not moved to Beta-Blogger and not enabled other/anon commenting.

Now I know how that fish felt, after I boxed in ice-chest.

Main Hoon DON(e)

The cash registers are going ka-ching at Bollywood box-office. I don’t remember any other year when Bollywood had spun so many blockbusters. Each month has been in anticipation of a new movie for every segment of bollywood lovers; Hritik fans, Aamir fans, SRK fans, Salman fans, Abhishek fans, fans of melodrama, fans of sugar-pops, fans of comedy, fans of serious subject and fans of Karan Johar’s kind of movie… it’s a feast and everyone is invited.

For me personally I had so far enjoyed three movies this year Ranga De Basanti, Corporate and Omkara and now looking forward to watch Farhan Akhtar’s DON.

I had enjoyed everything about the original DON, especially Amitabh screen presence. He blazes in his blazers and does what he does best. His talent justifies why classes and masses worship him. So now when Akhtar Jr. has given his flavor to one of Akhtar Sr.’s masterpiece, I am very curious and impatient to see the result.

I am not a SRK fan, yet I agree with Farhan’s choice of SRK. SRK, if he can control his hamming has necessary ingredients to fit in original AB’s shoe, however I am little skeptical about rest of the cast; especially Arjun Rampal as JJ, but with two fantastic movies on his resume, I expect Farhan to deliver another hit. I am eagerly waiting for DON’s release here in Arizona.

Meanwhile I am going to watch Don once again and enjoy Amitabh render the famous lines:
“DON(e) Ka Intezaar to Gyaarah Mulko Ki Police Kar Rahi Hai, lekin ek baat samajh lo. DON(e) Ko Pakadna Muskil hi Nahin, NAMUMKIN Hai.”

Death of a Gladiator

Yesterday a Gladiator died entertaining us. He could wrestle the beast with his arms, he could hang his neck in the jaws of death and dared tricks which we mortals think are possible only by superheroes. We cheered him on his every conquest.

But than the beast did what he does best, actions that can be never be predicted. A venomous sting pierced through the heart of brave, a surreal frame that was supposed to entertain us suddenly became terrifying. The Gladiator fell in the abyss, the emperor shrugged, the audience aghast and than there was announcement for new Gladiator entering arena.

Steve Irwin... World's original Wildlife Warrior, died from a sting of unassuming sea creature.

Blurp

Few days’ back I had posted a borrowed text, with a title Generation Gap (I am copying the text here again):

Religious-minded woman mourning the ways of the younger generation: "It's because of the cars! Look how far they can go for a dance or a date nowadays. It wasn't that way in your day, was it, grandma?" Eighty-seven-year-old lady: "Well, we certainly went as far as we could."

I like the subtlety of message and couldn’t stop thinking how different people would have reacted if they were part of this conversation. I tried to step in to mould of few and came up with following:

An orthodox person: It is a profanity against the will of God; Car’s use is not permitted according our holy books, cars are corrupting the minds of young generation, we condem the cars and we declare ban on usage of car.

A liberal person: Lets file a public litigation case against the old lady for discrimination against young generation, the rights of every citizen is protected under our constitution.

A bureaucrat: Lets maintain a log to keep track of whom the young girl meets and how far she travels. Lets put time restriction at places where the young people visit. Also, lets invite tenders to create signboards displaying time restriction and printing of register to maintain log.

A capitalist: Lets sell fancy car and fancier add-ons to younger generation and a spying device to older generation and then anti-spy device to younger generation and much more covert spying device to old generation.

A militant: Lets send a suicide bomber at the place where young people hang out. Our fight is for enforcing Gods will, liberty, freedom and self-rule.

A consultant: Lets draw a flowchart to change the thought process (whatever it has to do with this). Also, I propose that we should conduct an off-site workshop at a Resort in Hawaii and come up with innovative solution.

A Student: Lets go on strike and show the strength of youth. The youth being future of this nation, the administration cannot curtail youth’s liberty.

A politician in power: This is a political-conspiracy by opposition party to provoke masses against government and administration.

A politician in opposition: This proves that the ruling party has no control over the law and order situation, we demand resignation of Prime minister.

A gay activist: The lady in story is a homosexual. Her sexual orientaion is displayed through the jealousy she emotes, when she discovers that the young girl is dating someone else.

An Indian zealot: Well this is story about Pakistan, look how narrow-minded outlook they have. The civil liberty curtailed and see how the liberty of young generation is suppressed.

A Pakistani zealot: This is story about India; we are for enlightened modernization, however we won’t talk about it till the Kashmir issue is settled first.

An American zealot: The liberty of that nation is in grave danger, we should send in our army, to weed out oppressive regime and establish democracy.

A News Channel: Breaking Story! Youth’s Action Condemned by Elder.

Strange are people and even strange their behavior.

A sneezing Amitabh had nation queuing outside Sidhivinayak mandir, a fallen Prince made people send wishes via idiot box. A legend passed and I didn’t even notice.

This is late post, but Hrishida was a real Rishi and he not only made excellent movies, he made the best fish curry.

Ganapati Bappa Mourya!!

Back from LA trip, revitalized and energized. It helped me to forget that home-sick feeling… at least for now.

Back home the streets would be full of glowing with colors originating from lights, decoration, gulal and people, the chants of sholaks and aarti would be drifting over the air perfumed with fragnance of essence-stick & flowers and of course there would feast of sweets especially modakas in every household. The atmosphere is enough to send all Ganesha-devotees in a sought of trance.

Tilak’s idea by introducing Sarvajaneek Ganesh mandal was to influence the freedom movement by giving common platform to people, but the concept has also contributed to defining a cultural symbol of Maharashtra.

My two days trip to LA, could be closest I could get to ambiance that could be found in Maharashtra during this celebration.

Though there are few more days before we give a grand send-off to my favorite god, but I am already saying “Phud-chaya Varshi lavkarya” as next year I hope to be in Mumbai, dancing in trance to the beats of Nashik Dhol, welcoming the Lord once again amongst us.

Apart from the celebration at Marathi-Mandal’s programme in LA & my friends home. I also got to relax at the sea-facing condo of a premium high-rise building on Long Beach, which belongs to someone who is star sportsman representing the US national team. Sunday morning I woke to a clear sea view with Queen Mary-I cruise ship docked permanently at its pier.

I wish I had some more time to spend time at Long Beach, but probably keeping the sanity of occasion I was there, we skipped raving at clubs on Pine street, that’s on my to-do list for next trip.

I cannot close this post without thanking my friend and his family for the hospitality they extended to me.

PS: There was almost a repeat of North-West flight incident on my return journey, the person sitting along the aisle, refused to switch off his gaming device inspite the flight attendant’s repeated instructions. However, we were lucky we were in USA and the person was white.

OSHO

I enjoy comic book strips and have a small collection of my own. Bill Watterson, Scott Adams, Art & Chip Samson and Bill Keane are my favorite international artist, while R.K. Laxman is a favorite domestic artist and recently to my list I have added Rajneesh Kapoor.

Osho is a term for a Zen Buddhist. It is also an alias for guru Rajneesh. I haven’t read Osho Rajneesh, but I think Rajneesh Kapoor embeds a new age philosophy in his work with an aura of a Zen and hence the title for today’s blog post.

In some way I see certain aspects of me reflected in the character and that’s why I have been borrowing his strips to depict my thoughts on my blog. I hope he is generous and forgive me for reusing his material.

Few of my favorites by Rajneesh:

This calendar really captures our beliefs which sometimes are superficial and/or probably momentarily. It also shows how we have grown to take our freedom for granted:

Now all married men can see their guilt in this frame:

Here I can see myself accumulating gadgets, which are hardly of any use, but I still buy them for fancy:

This one is for guys like me who cant get over the fact that we are 30+:

Here Rajneesh portrays how we keep hearing the cacophony of glorious past and rosy future, but nobody care about ordeal of our present, it is simply wonderful:

And the dramatization of News:

Now this one is really good and very subtle, it takes a pot-shot at doctor’s handwriting on a prescription paper at the same time depicts current situation of medical students who have grown in urban India with limited understanding of social dynamics of our nation, politicians who fail to read the real need of people and pushing the problem to someone else who too again has limited knowledge:

Finally how we re-use someone else’s work to pose pretty:

PS: I would be flying out to L.A. today, I miss the festivity of Ganesh Chaturthi in Mumbai, so when my friend and his parents invited me to celebrate the occasion with them, I couldn't refuse. So next post next week... untill then Ganapati Bappa Mourya

Hair Hitler!

Two incidents with a degree of similarity, which are currently consuming ink and bit space in desi media circle.

One his supreme majesty the undisputed protector of cricketing world the knight of damsel in distress (read England) Lord Darrel Hair’s verdict that Inzi and his clan are guilty of scrapping leather on turf of civilized world. Does he have proof, no one knows, but how can we go against the words from the almighty protector himself, after all he is man of principle and integrity and everything else what west defines as civilized culture, while we are mere mortals.

So Inzi I guess you cannot play next five games and loose certain amount of your fee, but I adore your courage for standing up and for that alone I am going to root for your team next time you play India.

Second is the Captain of a European airliner who on a recent trip to Bombay, dint understood what a bunch of desis were chattering or probably their mannerism on flight and he had to beam a bat-signal across sky for full air force support and the flight was routed back to a safe base. Few pests (read un-amused desis) were detained for interrogation. In this age of heightened and over zealous security scenario, where a lady cannot wear a personal garment having a gel support while traveling in a plane, how did the captain dream of truckload of terrorist entering his space?

I guess it must have been something to do with mis-understanding desi mannerism. If too many of us get together, we usually don’t respect civil code of conduct. Few of the passengers must have been arrogant, asked for few extra pegs of whiskey or got excited over a in-flight show of KANK and generally showed no-care to in-flight crew’s instructions or request and rest as they say is history.

In my opinion the in-flight crew of international airline companies should be trained to understand desi psyche, the basic law is - we don’t abid any law of discipline, that is when we are in majority. We usually don’t listen to our civic administration's diktat, how do you expect us care about a flight attendant?

Or here is a better idea, just put some Air-India staff on every of flight that has a more than say 50% bookings for desis. Air-India employees are trained for such crowd control scenario, they had been herding cattle flights between Des and Middle East.

The point I am trying to make is:

1. The west thinks being morally correct is only their virtue while developing nations are bankrupt, not only in their coffers but also in their integrity.
2. Also as long as we remain undisciplined and as long as we have few jokers who scruff the surface of pitches without thinking twice, there would always be an excuse to point fingers in our direction.
   

TAG – What are you made of?

There are two Tags I care about. One is my fancy for TAG-Heurer Carrera watch and the other tag is one I dread when it goes missing at work – the HTML/XML tag.

I have been introduced to a newer variant and that’s the game of Blog-Tag, now I cannot refuse to play-in since a dear friend Velu has passed it.

So here is some self-analysis:

I am: where my heart belongs.
I said: “I Do”.
I sing: for my wife.
I dance: with my daughter.
I want to: be my son’s hero.
I am thinking about: home.
I make with my hands: dough.
I write: codes and plans.
I confuse: right from left.
I regret: my mistakes.
I cry: in solitude.
I hear: the waves.
I am not: an accountant.
I wish: I was 18.
I aspire: to be bored.
I need: my dope.
I wonder: if I make any sense to you?

And Fav-Five quotes:

1. Be your character what it will, it will be known; and nobody will take it upon your word. - Anonymous
2. Do or Do Not, There is no Try – Yoda
3. To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principal. – Confucius
4. Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows. - Helen Keller
5. For those who understand no explanation is needed, ...For those who don't none will do. - Jerry Lewis

Ok now the next thing to do is pass this tag to friends, now I have only two who visit me here regularly or probably the only two - who leave behind their traces and since one of those two has passed me this tag, I guess it is obvious the other one gets the pass from me. Arch you are in…

Generation Gap

Religious-minded woman mourning the ways of the younger generation: "It's because of the cars! Look how far they can go for a dance or a date nowadays. It wasn't that way in your day, was it, grandma?" Eighty-seven-year-old lady: "Well, we certainly went as far as we could."

80 days.

I am in the blue zone today…

Just 80 more…
80 more strikes to be made on my calendar,
80 more dawns before I see my sunshine,
80 more evenings before I play with my kids,
80 more meals before I share one with my own,
80 more nights before I sleep on my own bed,
80 more stars to wish upon…
80 more days before I can go back home.
...80 more days.

What a weekend!!!

Ok this caveman managed to do few things in 52 hours (Friday evening to Sunday night).

1. Completed a business Proposal – 12 Hours.
2. Drank three various versions of Merlot – three bottles in three days – 2 Hours.
3. Played Tennis three evenings in row – 6 Hours.
4. Watched Amitabh's movie - Deewar – 2 Hours.
5. Watched few videos (Russell Peters, Tata Young, and few others) on YouTube. – 2 Hours.
6. Played and completed SOCOM at all three levels – 10 Hours.
7. Had a discussion (read argument) with room mates on worldly matters that has nothing to do with my life – 2 Hours.
8. Planned a Trip to LA to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi at my friend's house – 1 Hour.
9. Called up India and spoke to my wife, kids and parents – 2 Hours.
10. Wrote two blogs including this one and read few others by other fellow bloggers– 2 Hours.
11. Cooked Sabzi to survie for coming few days – 2 Hours.
12. Smoked a pack of Wills – 1 Hour

I hadn’t been more efficient. I hope to carry the same vigor into the workweek.

Bliss of Innocence

On the eve of our Nation's 59th Independence Day, I would like to narrate a small story.

My son had a buddy at his school, during his Kindergarten days. He was neither from his class; neither did he ride the same bus to school. They just happen to share a bench during one of the summer camp class for a day, but it was enough to bond them as friends.

Next few months, my son would amuse us with stories and adventures with his new friend. They must have shared and traded toys and books, made plans for weekend sleepover and all the little things that sounded fun for these friends.

Around six months into their friendship, my son’s friend had to move with his parents to another city. It was a painful time for my son and probably even for his friend. My son must have asked me lots of questions and nothing we did seem to cheer him for few days after his friend had departed.

Now this would seem like a familiar story for growing kids nothing unusual, except that the friend was of Pakistani origin.

I always wonder how their interaction would have been if they had not met in a distant land and they were not in their age of innocence.

We may have been liberated to physical slavery imposed on us, but we have been bonded in to a religious and ideological slavery. Meanwhile, I wait for a Mahatma to lead another liberation movement.

Tale of two contests:

Today’s (Aug. 11th 2006) edition of Rediff has two contests for its readers. One was to review KANK and second to bid for a date with Piggy Chops.

Firstly KANK… I wonder who came with that acronym. It sounds like sound of an empty utensil or a cranking automobile. I am not a fan of Karan Johar’s cinema so he definitely had come up with a carrot to coax that Tenner from me. So the marketing team from KJ’s camp has struck an ingenious idea - asking Rediff readers to visit Movie Theater and then writing a review and then the 10 most flattering reviewers out of them would be part of Rediff’s Movie review team, sitting right next to likes of Raja Sen. I am sure there would be enough suckers like me to bit that apple. I am sure I don’t want to bite this apple.

The second is more exciting, bidding for date with Piggy Chops… well as long as there are people who are so rich that they can have bollywood personalities dance at their kids birthday party, I don’t think I won’t be able to come up with an amount that would be anywhere close. Also, I think Piggy Chops is too beautiful and I don’t want to hurt her dignity by participating in some bidding… these grapes are simply sour for me.

So here I am writing about the contest and dreaming about that date with Piggy Chops… if only I had luck like Kittu (Aftab in Mast).

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot:

Aamir, Hritik, SRK, Ash, Rani, Preitty and My son may be least bothered about what’s in their cola, but rest of the nation is looking for new additive in their bottle of cola.

However, I think we all are missing a point and that is to do with the source of pesticide that has landed in bottle, did the cola company used it as additive to enhance the flavor or get us addicted? Or is it the water source that is being used to make the drink?

If water source is indeed spiked with pesticide, than I think that should what the leaders and administration tackling. Cola probably is not yet part of our staple diet, however our water is the most essential element for our existence… it is our human right.

All this Cola-Ban is a big hogwash, while we may sleep peaceful thinking that we are safe after banning the phoren-brands of cola, the faucet in our kitchen has larger potential to kill you and me. Our politician’s reaction is like some allopathic doctor who treats symptoms rather than disease itself. It didn’t surprise me that two states that have banned phoren-colas are Red and Saffron.

It doesn’t imply that the cola companies are out of flames, but those in power and administration should protecting our water sources, while ensuring cola companies are in compliance with strict standards, using equipments that would filter all harmful ingredients and also be conscious about impact of their products on human health. I agree with ban of selling Cola’s at schools and I would support initiatives that would make Cola companies to spend money towards various healthcare and educational projects… without any sales pitch.

But the bigger issue is controlling rampant use of pesticides at farms and hazardous chemicals in manufacturing industries? They too need to be made accountable for their contributions to water source… until than enjoy lets enjoy our cocktail.

Today morning driving to work my car’s radio played “Big Yellow Taxi” by Counting Crow. A part of lyrics is still stuck in my head:

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees - please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they've paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Finally on a humorous note:

Pre-Orders taken for Anti-Stupidity Pill.

Now that the German scientist has found formula to cure stupidity, lets see who are going to be target audience. All humans would be benefited, but I think clinical trial can be performed on sections of following groups of individuals:

1. Politicians:

Definitely a large group, with current state of world, they would definitely need these pills. In fact WHO should float a program and come up with vaccination program for all politicians and aspiring politicians. Bush, Jaswant and Natwar needs most urgent medical attention.

2. Administrators and Babus from BMC:

The curators of Mumbai’s infrastructure definitely would benefit from this medical treatment.

3. BCCI Cricket Selection board:

With their twisted logic of resting in-form players, they too are prospect for the pill manufacturing company.

Now can some scientist please formulate a pill for pathological liars, Politicians and Generals from a neighboring country of mine needs one... actually Politicians from my country would also be benefited.

Raksha-Bandhan

I have wonderful memories at my first job. Apart acquiring essential skills to survive in current competitive environment, I had an opportunity to meet some really great people – celebrities and otherwise.

One such person I had met, was a young mentally challenged girl. I use to pass this girl everyday outside Churchgate station on my way to work. This girl probably was in her teens then and use to stand outside the subway selling Pens, she was a roadside vendor, trying to make her daily living. The Showroom I use to work was just outside the subway and we use to loiter around the subway entrance during breaks.

I still remember the eve before Raksha-Bandhan day of 1996, it had been a high traffic evening for our showroom, when this girl walked into our swank showroom in her modest attire. Almost everyone in showroom were surprised to see her in the showroom, but no one seem to be bothered by her presence, it was probably because we had strange visitor in past, probably because we were located right opposite Churchgate station. Most of the time we would be polite with such individuals and other times we would use little forceful techniques to deter them away.

We had seen this girl many a times around the subway entrance, we knew she was not a trouble maker and the fact that everyone was attending to shoppers, so no one cared about her. She was just standing around and looking for something, she was definitely uncomfortable and so were all of us in showroom.

We had a very compassionate colleague among us, whom everyone in showroom respected. She was always ready to help others and attend to any walk-ins into showroom, while keeping her self-respect.

So our colleague decided to inquire with this girl and she had spent next 15-20 minutes talking to her. Our colleague soon discovered through her conversation that that this mentally challenged girl had a brother and her brother was learning computers and since the next day was Raksha-Bandhan, she wanted to gift him with something, which would help him do better with computers. She finally bought a box of floppy-diskette, which she could afford through the little saving she had and she insisted with her payment.

Today when I read a advertisement asking brothers to gift their siblings fancy Cars and Mobile Phones, that little girl’s gift to her brother seems to be far more worthy.

Thrill of a new Gadget.

My latest acquisition is a Sony PSP. I know that’s not hot, but I am definitely not an early bird for picking up new gadgets, reasons being usually gadgets are expensive initially and also to fact that my wife monitors my finance – more specifically my expenses, I just cannot sneak them into garage without being detected.

The PSP unit for a mere $100 was a sweet deal and it was bundled with 6 games, 512 MB Ram Memory stick and a 32 MB Memory stick, few accessories and around 30 audio tunes. I am sure it would sale for $200 on ebay/craiglist, but that is not my intent to buy this unit.

Apart from using the gadget for video gaming, audio/video player and finally “Gifting” it to my son, I have few plans for tinkering with the device. Two things I can think on top of my head:

1. Turning the PSP into a universal remote
2. Turning the PSP into a GPS

I think due to time constraint, I would have to scrap my the second project and in all possibility Sony would release its own GPS plug-in device for PSP by Q4 2006. So I think I should concentrate on my first thought.

Here is my initial reciepe, for my first project:

1. Configure WACI NX’s control system which has an inbuilt web server.
2. Some shell based programming for IR.
3. Interface for PSP’s web browser.

But before I implement this project, I would have to acquire one more gadgets – a WACI NX+ or WACI NX Jr. control system. I have already started my clandestine operation to fund my next acquisition.

Niyaz.

On the audio shelf in library this week I stumbled across a gem - “Niyaz”. “Niyaz” as I understand is yearning or need in Urdu/Farsi and aptly suited to my state of browsing through library the other day. I was yearning to listen something different; I think I had a overdose of DJ mixes and hip hop.

The sound composition from Azam Ali, Loga Ramin Torkin and Carmen Rizzo is hypnotic and ecstatic. The group terms their compilation “world music of 21st century” and their soulful composition definitely justifies their claim.

Though most of the compositions are in Persian dialects (and few Urdu), one can still connect to music. It probably has to do with Azam’s exposure to Indian and American culture, even though she is of Iranian origin. I was surprised to find that she grew in Panchgani – Maharashtra.

My favorite number on the album is titled “The Hunt” which I believe has lyrics in one of the Iranian dialect. It is about a hunter who is hunting for a game with his friend. The hunter sees his beloved in everything he sees and that restrains him from The Hunt.

The trio has posted video of their song “The hunt” on their website http://niyazmusic.com/. But honestly, the video-sound on website doesn’t justify the actual charm of composition I found on CD. They have a tour scheduled in LA next month, how I wish I could make to their concert, for now I have to be content with my own copy of their CD.

I would recommend this album if you are tired of remixes and bhangra.

Living Room

PS2

Last weekend I had spent playing video games on my son’s PS2. The video game addiction is definitely a trait he has picked up from my side of gene pool. I myself must have spent countless hours exploring and mastering various games … that was before getting married ... Now my son gives me an excuse to buy games and gadgets.

We both would often spend hours at game shops, while my wife would complete her “errands” at malls. We would frequently browse through shops for discount deals and we even have discount cards and memberships from Game Stop and EB Games, the retail game store and subscribed to books for cheat codes and explore the Easter-eggs.

So when we were planning for my family’s return trip to India, I insisted to keep back PS2. “Excess Baggage” and “Custom Hassle” were convenient excuses to convince my wife. However, I had some resistance from my son, which I resolved by bribing him with another handheld game console – A Blue Nintendo DS. He happily accepted my offer, after negotiating and settling over “few” additional game-ware. We had to keep this deal totally secret from the chief vigilance officer in our house - my wife and so far we have been successful staying out of her radar.

Now I have the console all for myself … but few minutes in game I had a strange feeling. The games that I enjoyed playing no longer seem to be same. I went and borrowed and brought few more. Yet it didn’t give me the same satisfaction, for some reason I am not enjoying these games even though I have it all for myself.

And than I had realization; it was not the PS2 that I enjoyed … it was my son’s company.

The World Fair of Religions.

My friend and I went to the fair. THE WORLD FAIR OF RELIGIONS... At the Jewish Stall we were given handouts that said that God was All-Compassionate and the Jews were his Chosen People. The Jews. No other people were as Chosen as the Jewish People. At the Moslem Stall we learnt that God was All-Merciful and Mohammed is his only Prophet. Salvation comes from listening to God's only Prophet. At the Christian Stall we discovered that God is Love and there is no salvation outside the Church. Join the Church or risk eternal damnation. On the way out I asked my friend, 'What do you think of God?' He replied, 'He is bigoted, fanatical and cruel.' Back home, I said to God, 'How do you put up with this sort of thing, Lord? Don't you see they have been giving you a bad name for centuries?' God said, 'I didn't organize the Fair. I'd be too ashamed to even visit it'

("The World Fair of Religions" in The Song of the Bird, 186-187; cf. ibid., 189-190, 195).

Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move .... Part IV
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Link to Part I

Link to Part II

Link to Part III

continued from Part IV ....

Any Newspaper is as good as its journalists. Daily Bugle cannot be same without Peter Parker, cannot imagine Daily Planet without Clark Kent and similarly the Mid-Day cannot be same without its people on field. Mid-Day Journalists are no less than super-heroes, hiding behind their glasses, jeans and camera lens. They are real daredevils and their efforts heroic. In past they had expose on topics that even Tarun Tejpal or Aniruddha Bahal or even Deep Throat would not have thought about or dared. They wouldn’t hesitate to disguise in costumes that even the great Mithun couldn’t beet their disguise act in his movie Lucky … No time to love. By the way did any one watch this movie, Lucky … No Time to love; I wonder why the director chooses this title. Must be having a dysfunctional tool, so he must be always thinking … How Lucky he is not to have time to love, other wise his wife would discover his non-functional organ. Can someone tell this dude, that people like him are not Lucky, in most probability his neighbours are … Lucky.

You should be a Mumbaite to understand this newspaper and in-fact I would go a step further; to qualify as a true Mumbaite, you must have your daily dope of Mid-Day.

END

Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move .... Part IV
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Link to Part I

Link to Part II

continued from Part III ....

Another section of this paper is Hit-List, it is always filled with “Stars” who never get enough space on reel-life, but they hog all the space in half of the edition. From Kim Sharma to the small time babes of Tube-world, they are splashed all over these pages. They try to enlighten us by sharing with us Gyan on their “cosmic” philosophy. There was a story about this bimbo, how she got “turned on” by Gandhi and now she is such devote vegetarian that she has given up on Milk. I think somebody forgot to explain her that Rahul Gandhi only shares his last name with Mahatma, he doesn’t have anything to do with India’s Independence movement. But then who cares about the enlightening words these lasses utter, I would just like to watch those lips move and mute the sound generated. I am sure all the gentlemen here just read these pages to enjoy and ogle at the curves on these bootyful ladies, flowing through their designer outfits.

** I have moved some text out from here, I think it was too strong (and/or offensive), I will be posting it as another post after I am done posting this entire script.

However, the best gems are embedded in Metro edition of the paper. They cover variety of stories from kitty parties in your neighborhood to the ratecard of Sabzi (Vegetables in Hindi) sold at the hawker’s cart parked under the signboard indicating “Hawker free zone”, to how Mr. Parera’s dog peed in Mrs. Patel’s veranda and to how Mr. Subramanium brought a 1985 vintage Maruti 800 from a auction.

.......... To be continued

Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move .... Part III

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Link to part I

continued from Part II ....

Then there are others, who are so serious about their business, that one would get depressed just by reading the colored advertisement in the newspaper.

Mid-Day is the only hope on this landscape and stands like a blossomed lily in middle of a pond. It is a very refreshing daily which not only features regular national and current affair news, just like any other serious Newspaper (not Fin-Fi or TP variety).

Mid-Day have featured stories on bai (house maid in Marathi or Bombaiya-Hindi) who does Jhado-kapda-burthen (Dusting, laundry and Dishes in Hindi) and her woes, to Bobby darling and his (or hers - depending upon your sexual orientation) date of the week. They have covered the entire characters from all strata of society.

They have been entertaining train-raiders with two page of TimeOut, which has the best comic strips, crosswords, sudoko and daily horoscope. I am such a sucker for predictions by Majorie Ore (and now Shirley Bose), that I usually plan my day accordingly. If she says, “Avoid conflicts at home”, I promptly go to the store buy a piece of jewellery for my wife, than clear up the dishes after dinner, before I even dare to stare at TV. If she says, “Avoid conflicts at work”, I quietly hole up in my cube, refrain from using my Gmail account, surfing Internet or taking tea-breaks. I also avoid grumbling about workload and salary with my boss. For a change I work, not just pretend to work.

.......... To be continued

Link to Part IV of this blog

Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move .... Part II
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This second post is coming after a gap of 3 days. I had been kept busy at work. So friends here is my next post:

continued from Part I .....

You skip few pages to their business/economic market section, you would be amazed to see how they use Zero, just like I use words – random and un-thoughtful. I recall one report that claimed that IT Professionals with 10-12 years of experience earn something like 3-3.5 million INR in India. 3 million???? When I showed this article to my boss, he hurriedly asked me to come back later. Next, I saw him going into my super-boss’s cabin. Since that day both of them have gone missing. Forget 3 million, now I am working double time to compensate the vacuum created by the dynamic duo and our ultra-super boss have made sure that our Network engineer has blocked access to the online edition of this newspaper, in-fact he is now working with Google to have an special edition for our organization which would filter all search results listing salary survey’s and job sites. I am planning to migrate to China.

Some other time in past they had quoted the US Dollars to Indian Rupee exchange rate at such a value, that many of my colleagues felt a surge of pain in their heart, luckily we had one sensible person among us, who pointed us that we were looking at this Economic Times, a Fin-Fi (Financial Fiction) Daily. Fin-Fi ... that’s a new category of literature they have created. Last I heard, Amratya Sen and Chidambaran have taken this art seriously and working on their new "Book" due to be realized by March next year.

Text Moved out **

** I have moved some text out from here, I think it was too strong (and/or offensive), I will be posting it as another post after I am done posting this entire script.

.......... To be continued

Link to Part III of this blog

Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move ... Part I

This one again from my humor archieve, it was supposedly written as a script for a 30 minutes stand-up act (If you can believe that).

Now since this is suppose to be a 30 min affair, this would be a loooongg post. I trying to keep this simple by splitting the script in multiple Blogs. This is my first Installment

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Mid-Day, Mumbai on the Move

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There are Newspapers and then there is Mid-Day. I should confess I am addicted to this daily dispatch and I cannot get enough of it. It has traces of dope in each of its pages.

I think Mass-communication and Journalism schools should have a specialization course for reporters aspiring to be become Mid-Day writers.

There is no comparison to Mid-Day for covering World, National and City news. Look at one of the other leading National News Paper in circulation, they too are head-quartered in Mumbai but the only stories they care about are BPO-bashing or alternative sex lifestyle. Now I can understand articles about their sexual orientation and fantasies. But BPO-bashing, come on give these lads some break. After long phone conversations, office romance and pizza parties, they hardly are left with any social life why do you want to give them more misery.

Then if you browse over the Cricket Section of this daily (please notice I am not saying Sports Section, because as Indian I don’t thing any other game can classify as Sports.) you won’t fail to notice an article ridiculing Sachin’s worth as a cricketer, but at the same time printing his picture sipping cola on front page. Then the very next day, you pick up the new edition and they would have a dedicated page for his brilliance in yesterday’s game, this time there would be even more advertisements from Sachin, one selling cola, shoes, cars to one selling hair brush.

.......... To be continued

Link to Part II of this blog

Words

It has been 60 days now, since I have been living in this exile. The only thing that has been connecting our world is Telephone. In such conversation, which doesn't have visual or real feel, suddenly the "Words" become so important. These words are the only vehicle to convey the warmth and care along with other emotions.

These are the times poets can be useful, they have skills to churn verses from simple words. So yesterday I flipped through some of them and I narrated two of them to my wife. I am sharing them with readers here.


English translation (non-poetic words): The word “Hug” has such sweetness, just the expression is enough to realize the warmth.

As explained I have limited skills with words, so sorry no translation provided here.

Indians are not only good with their cuisine, but also the way they present their fare.

Some of these Gastronomically wonderful shops usually charges astronomically high prices. But then are down to earth shops that can be not provide delicious food, yet be easy on your pocket.

These restaurants like to ensure that their guests smile, not only because of the lip-smacking menu, but also by presenting menu card with wicked humor. See these pictures, you would know what to expect on your next trip:

PS: One picture is from streets of Mumbai and other from a hamlet in Bihar.

My Humor-Stabbing days … Part 2

Here is my second installment:

One of the technicians in our technology department was given a task to create an application that would send automated greetings to everyone in organization on important holidays. So after collecting specifications, he must have spend countless hours behind his desk constructing this application. If overtime expense claim is an indicator of someone’s hard work, then he was definitely working real hard.

The day dawned when he had completed his build and it was time for him to test his work and it so happened that the next holiday that would have been Cynco-De-Mayo.

I should say here that I was impressed the way he went through the entire pre-launch task. All the activity that was happening gave me a vibe of being at NASA Huston Site. We checked and re-checked the checklist, called up few folks, got their approval. He checked if the wire were connected, the computer’s temperature, the room temperature, took quick smoke, had a leak and did the entire checklist once again. Than after much deliberation and ensuring that we had been through emergency plan drill that was conducted last week, he clicked on the dreaded button. It must have done something, really fast. He assured me everything had gone according to the plan, results on screen were fine and we were done through test cycle.

All those pre-launch activity had pumped my adrenaline level; I was so excited that I wanted to do a cheering session ala NASA style, all the fist pumping and high-five’ing routines. Since it was just him and me at his desk, with firangs sitting around, I some how manage to curtail by emotions.

Within next few hours, we received a call from one of the senior leaders in organization. The leader expressed his Thanks for greetings, but further stated that the holiday was suppose to be Cynco-De-Mayo and not Sink-De-Mail-O. He went ahead and busted my a** out with his cool temperament.

Our technical friend had triggered a massive mass mailing campaign that had dispatched zillions of Greeting emails to everyone in organization, sinking our mail communication system. So much for a planned test. I have built a small memorial at the test site, a small urn with ashes of the technicians resume.

I now know how exactly Kim Jong felt when his Taepodong missile failed at testing. I am guessing who is working for him.

My Humor-Stabbing days … Part 1

I tried resisting the thought of publishing my homemade jokes here, in a fear of loosing friends. But yet it was hard to overcome, so I have cherry picked few (not that I have been able to write down many). I shall publish them in separate blogs, I hope you enjoy (feedback would be appreciated and also help my ego)

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Untitled

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It was the first day at work for this beautiful girl at this place I use to work. This was her first job. Obviously, each one of us had displayed our chivalry, to this young beautiful lady, the entire morning. We were roaming like knights in shining armour. trying to save this damsel from the evils of world.

During our lunch hour, I happened to share (time) space with this girl and another male co-worker. This was his first encounter with her since her arrival, I am sure he had planned this. I definitely had timed this. I was little bit upset that this bloke was going to invade my territory. I was feeling like a raging like a buck; I just wanted to butt him out from competition.

I am sure same thoughts must be racing in his mind. We were kind of having a kind of non-verbal dual. Finally, the moment of truth arrived, we three of us were sharing the same very table and closet possible chair positions we could get, without violating her airspace.

As we settled down, he must have sensed my intentions, as I was just about to open my mouth to start a conversation. He wanted to take the initiative away from me, beat me to finishing line and he quickly prompted with his best opening line:

Are you Fresh?

"Are you fresh", what an icebreaker. I almost spurted out contents of my mouth, with a WTF expression. The poor girl was red with embarrassment and my challenger was wondering why we had this expressions.

No points for guessing, who was the victorious knight of that dual and I also don’t have to tell you, how he became the theme and went on to become a legend in break-room.

Conversations with my children … Part 3:


All conversations need not be verbal.

Conversations with my children … Part 2:

My son is now 7 year old and he is my Pride. We bond over a game of Racket ball, Scrabble, Playstation, Nintendo, Arcade games, computer games, internet, story books, comic books, fighting, swimming, miniature golf, trips to library, animated movies, watching TV and hassling my wife each time we go escorting her to shopping, with our continues chanting - Are we done?

Bringing back the blog to its purpose, the incident I am about to describe here happened on a lazy Saturday evening. We had camped right in our family room in front of television set watching one of his favorite TV programme. It was a usual commercial break and a public service message was being aired. The message was addressed to children, in an attempt to educate them to dangerous of tobacco consumption.

So my parental instinct took over and started by posing a question to the young man.

Myself: Did you understand what that man just trying to say on TV?
My Son: Yes.
Myself: So what do u think about using tobacco and smoking?
My Son: Its bad, I would be in trouble with Mrs. Jackson, she wont like it. (Mrs. Jackson is principal at the School, where he completed his first grade).
Myself: That’s good, but there are other things too, which are harmful. (I tried to earn a brownie point here).
Myself: Do you know even alcohol is bad too? (Signs of Foot-in-Mouth syndrome)
My Son: (pause) What is that thing, you drink when your friends come over?

At that moment, I saw three expressions. One on my son’s face, which was a mix of innocence and mischief. The second on my wife’s face that was a mix of “anger”, “don’t look at me” and “you and your big mouth” and lastly mine slightly red and “embarrassed” face. I still have those expressions embossed in my mind.
Watch your tongue around kids.

Conversations with my children … Part 1

My 18month old daughter is sweetest thing in my life; she is joy of my life. Of course she is daddy’s pet and we call her Cookie.

I enjoy talking with her, even if sometimes I can’t understand what she wants to convey. I guess all parents who have been through this phase of parenthood would relate my emotions about talking to their toddler.

This particular conversation happened with her over a recent long distance telephonic conversation with my daughter. She was at my parent’s house with my wife, two sisters, parents and my sister’s husband around.

She speaks in a language only my wife and me can interpret. So for benefit readers, I have translated her words in simplified English. However, there are words, which I have not yet deciphered or I haven’t found an equivalent expression in any modern language spoken by adults.

Myself: Hello.
Cookie: Hello Daddy, Hello Daddy, Helloooo Daddy…
Myself: I can hear you sweetheart. How are you?
Cookie: Hello, Hello, Hello…
Myself: Hello darling…
Cookie: (some long speech of un-deciphered words)
Myself: How does Cookie sing?
Cookie: la.la.la.
Myself: Very nice!!! Now tell me how does a Humba (That’s my way of describing cow to my kids) talk?
Cookie: Humba.Humba (believe it or not that’s how Cows Moo in Marathi)
Myself: Good!!! Now tell me how does a Bhoo.Bhoo (That’s my way of describing dog to my kids) talk?
Cookie: bhoo.bhoo (believe it or not that’s how Dogs speak in Marathi)
Myself: Good!!! Now tell me how does a Cat (my creativity with names ended with dog) talk?
Cookie: Cat.Cat
Everyone: (Laughter)

Ten times out of ten, I bet she would have meowed to the same question, yet on this occasion she actually said “Cat.Cat”. She tricked me, she had it all figured! She has her daddy wrapped around her little fingers and she never fails to amaze me.

I get knocked down … but I get up again … You are NEVER Going to keep me down.

Like every anxious Mumbaite, staying outside Mumbai, I too had spend hours on phone, making sure my loved ones back home were safe.

I had rather interesting conversation with my father, who gave me a glimpse to the City’s attitude, I don’t have a transcript of the conversation and so I would just summarize it.

Few things he said to me:

1. He believes that the administration is so corrupt and rotten, that the terrorist must have feed the officials and kept them around while planning the whole thing. He cited the examples of Telgi Scam and 1993 blasts. Read the book Black Friday, you will understand how the administration and politicians were actually used to carry out 1993 event. He also asked me to look at Ghatkopar Blasts of 2003, how administration staged (or purposely goofed) the entire “Blast Accussed” drama.
2. He than said the city exists not because of its administration, but due to the citizens living here. He mentioned except for few minor rumors and confusion, fear is the last emotion you would see on Mumbaite’s face. He was all set on 7/12 morning to go do his daily business and so where millions of others. He pointed me to Stock Market just day after from the horrible incident it had gained 300 points.

Did someone from foreign media have an opinion that we are Rude? Gratitude for us is not just expression found in spoken words, but action and deeds we do, just browse newspapers and look around.

So to those who thought you can knock us down, kiss my a**. We are very much alive and kicking. We are not going to let you enjoy your sadistic pleasure.

Mumbai would rather sing….
I get knocked down … but I get up again … You are NEVER Going to keep me down.

Proud to be a Mumbaite, Salaam Bombay!

NOTE: This blog is in no way trying to underplay the horrible event and grief of people. We should all demand that the families who lost there loved ones are given justice. The traitors should be served justice. The enemy, who tried to hurt the nation, should be destroyed.

Typecasting and Profiling

One must have heard so many stories about someone getting profiled and there would be others who might have gone through the experience at international airports. Stories have been told so many times that we ourselves have kind of created a profile of immigration and security officials of foreign lands.

I would like to extend here, to one of the blog posted by Shekar Kapur. His blog recollects an incident at a US airport.

http://www.shekharkapur.com/blog/archives/2005/12/us_immigration.htm

You would notice how he himself typecasts the officials and very conscious about everyone around, to such an extent that he initially believes all airport officials are monitoring his moments.

Thus, I believe Typecasting and Profiling are among the few of basic traits in human and come as standard configuration. Some are knowledgeable enough to suppress (or override) and others ignorant (or arrogant) to express.

A Forgotten Rear View Mirror:

In my earlier blog I had missed a hidden mirror, which I fear to look into, and I usually don’t look at. It lies in the forgotten corner of my brain.

But after reading today mornings news, it jumped right in front of me. The horror of 1993 and events after that, seems to be happening again.

Our City Bleeds, Our People Weep, Our Leaders Lost, Our Enemies Laugh ... Our Heart Aches.

Move over Seinfeld, here comes Prince of Stand-up comedy…

Before I took to this blog writing, I must have taken at least dozen stabs at writing humor, no prizes for guessing what happened eventually. You must have got hints from my earlier blog posts here, I can hardly spell humor, forget writing comedy. Being funny is not being comic. Stupid people (me included) can be funny at time...but it is not an indicator of any comic talent, we are just goofballs.

In my opinion, comedy is the most difficult aspect of writing and the challenge increases manifold if you want to reach to a larger global audience. Originality and Delivery of humor is an art, which some individuals possess and very few have mastered this art form.

The comedy artists I like are ones who have the ear to pick up words, incidents and experiences from daily life and than apply them to situations where they reflect reality in shades of humor without being offensive. One such artist I have discovered is Russell Peters. He was the number one cause of my humor-stabbing fever. I should emphasis here that, I have been since cured. So relax I wont be attempting or throwing PJs here

For those who have not heard about Russell Peters and/or his work, the name may sound "Anglo", but fellow desi-friends this dude is 100% Desi, he migrated along with his parents to Canada from Calcutta, when he was a toddler and today he is one of the most respected Canadian artist. We all can pump our chest…Desi Pride.

His comedy is based on his ethnic roots and his experience as a new migrant in a pre-dominantly white neighborhood and growing among black kids/friends, yet his humor is accessible to a global audience. Everyone can understand his routines and style. No wonder his raising popularity in Canada (and Internet) has drawn Hollywood producers to his doorsteps.

Here are links to few of Russell’s videos, which some good soul has posted on YouTube. It does give a glimpse of brilliance this artist possesses. I wont be surprised if he reaches new heights in Hollywood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi2nHwuCs6w&search=Peter%20Russells

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tp5mr-bxFeI&search=Peter%20Russells

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzKHQX59Wso&search=Peter%20Russells

So move over Seinfeld, Prince of Stand up comedy is here to stay!!

PS: Genre of comedy I enjoy is, Observational Comic. I am also a fan of these artists; Jerry Seinfeld and Carlos Mencia.

Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani.

Only a true Mumbaite can appreciate the importance of Mid-Day a daily news dispatch.

Here is one jewel from July 10th 2006 edition, found on page # 3.

Imaandar badmash

Do you call this honesty? A friend recounts that recently she approached a vendor selling mineral water at a booth.She asked him if it was genuine and safe. He seemed to take offence and said that all bottles were genuine and there was no problem.The lady reconfirmed and then pointed to her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter. "Bachchi ke liye hai (It is for the child),"she told the man in question. Then his conscience spoke up. "Oh no, no, why don't you buy it from the other stall?" he said sheepishly.Like the lines in the song go: "Naye packet mein cheezein bechein poorani, phir bhi dil hai Hindustani".

Do I have to say anything more?

Not that I have many readers visiting my blog, but I thought I should clarify the selection of word "dOne" for my Blog identity.

On first cursory glance, it may sound like a crazy idea and probably represents little. However, I have contemplated lot over choice of word to represent my online identity and I think it is my obligation to record the thought process.

We as individuals have no choice or influence over the name tagged to us. A word, which we have to carry in our lifetime and even after that.

Parents try to capture their expectations and desire from their offspring; in the name they christen their child, while the child tries to search his/her identity within it. I also believe that this very Given Name influences some aspect of our character. Of course, as one attends maturity, he/she has a choice of re-inventing himself/herself with a new name, but it definitely gets embedded somewhere within the being.

Coming back to my choice of word "dOne".

First, the word needs to be understood by breaking it as "d" and "One". Also, please note here that "d" is in lower case.

"d" represents me and my given name in real life. It also represents three dimensions of my life Direction, Deliverance and Devotion.

Direction is my path in search of knowledge and an English translation of my daughter's given name. Deliverance is what I wish to attain by completing my karma and liberating this soul, this word is an English translation of my son's given name. Finally the last D is for promise of dedicated Devotion to my family, which also happens to be an English translation of my wife's rechristen given name.

The reason that the first character in the name is deliberately kept in lower case is because I want it remind me about importance of being humble. Also it has to be smaller than the next part of word ... "One" and you would understand reason in next paragraph.

The second part of name "One" represents the number of unity and integrity. It is also refers to the One ... His Almighty, we all call him with different names (and that is why the "d" has to be smaller or lower case)

Lastly, you can read the word just the way it is supposed to be read in English language, a verb that means past participation and a representation of my desire to participate in all good and righteous things in this lifespan.

Thus friends, I would like to be indentified as "dOne" in Digital world. However I wouldn't trade my real name for any other name, because that name is beautiful and also part of my ego.

The only real thing one owns in reality (and which no one can take away from you) is.... your own name and I am keeping mine.

Someone please cage this (I don’t want offend PITA activist by saying shoot) Tiger!!

If you happen to be in Mumbai or still in touch with happenings of city, most probably you would be disturbed with latest news from city. Some tiger cubs who believe that a certain Maratha warriors blood flows through their vein, have lost their senses and unleashed yet another assault on hard working citizens of society and what a cause they have found to show their chivalry.

These PITA Activist, Tiger cubs or sons of the great Maratha warrior ,whatever you want to call them, are the one who have contributed a lot to the "curse" on this city and state by throwing good governance book out into a thrash-bin, stalling development projects and promoting farce in name of selling free space and introducing a thoughtless and ill-conceived SRD programme. Apart from this they have invested in hate-based politics and now has harvested on rich crop of goons.

I am not surprised that, after the city and its administration controlled by these Tigers, was washed down in last weeks monsoon shower, have now witnessed desecration to a statue of their Supreme Deity’s “Ardhangini”, impeccable timing isn’t it?

Now for next few months we would be consumed trying to defend our belongings and ourselves over such “Enormous” event and the administration office will wash their hands of their responsibilities of providing good governance, administration and facilities to city.

The only place where I want to see this species of Tiger is in fossils.

!!Jay Maharashtra?

Note: PITA is an intentionally used word and an acronym for “Pain In The A**”, should not be mistaken for PETA. PETA is trully a dedicated animal welfare organisation and right now they are busy taking care of many common mongrels found on streets of suburban Mumbai.

*** 7/10 UPDATE : Comic strip added, courtsey Mid-Day.com